Pokémon Wiki


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Pokémon may refer to:

Pokemon or Pokémon?

Pokémon is the 'correct' spelling, but NOBODY HAS AN É (E with an accent) KEY ON THEIR KEYBOARD. Most people resort to writing pokemon, but this is in fact racist, because incorrectly spelling made up foreign words is more racist than making a creature with blackface and keeping it trapped in a Poké Ball.

For instructions on how to write Pokémon correctly, see The Other Wiki:

Contrariwise, you can simply refer to it as Pokuman or Pokumans, which will enrage yer average Generation Barney reject into spastic fits of epic pants shitting rage, much to the entertainment and delight of everyone else.

Video games

Note that, although Nintendo claims to sell several versions of each game, each game adds better graphics, the old main character is killed off and replaced, and new Pokémon and attacks are unveiled, but never actually evolves the gameplay or plot in the slightest. This cycle would repeat several times over in subsequent games, and it is all a ploy to sell more cartridges, link cables, and wireless adapters. As a result, Pokémon gets worse and worse with each new game released.

Red, Blue and Yellow

The original games are actually pretty good. That is, if you like shitty graphics and extreme glitchiness. It was created by an otaku who enjoyed collecting bugs. The true object of the game is to enslave the in-game creatures found in grass, caves and water called "Pokémon", then raise them by making them kill other Pokémon. Once you have enough power level, you can then use them to buttfuck 8 gym leaders for special badges to increase your stats when your Pokémon levels up and the ability to use a HM move needed to advance to the next stage, and eventually to defeat the Elite Four, four Pokénerds with the strongest Pokémans in the game. Doing so allows access to Cerulean Cave, a cave where Mewtwo, the ultimate Pokégod of the game, resides. Team Rocket appears a few times throughout the game to hinder your progress: first digging for Fossils in Mt Moon, then in Celadon conspiring to take over the world by killing Cubone's mother (which subsequent Pokédex entries never shut the fuck up about), and finally taking over Silph Co where they try to tie the chairman up and forcing him to give them his Master Balls.

As a side quest no-one cares about, you can also catch all 150 Pokémon in the game. 151 if you include Mew. To do that, you can use cheats or you can be really boring and actually own all three games in the series, and trade for Pokémans you can't get in that particular game, the selling point for the Pokémon franchise and one which would continue to be used in future games over a decade later. In Pokémon also exists PokéGods among PokéPeasents, like Zapdos and Mewtwo, which are much stronger than regular Pokémon because they've been Digivolved to the final level. When you encounter one and you defeat it, it dies. Never to return.

In Pokémon Yellow, you start out with a Pikachu you can't evolve, which was fucking useless if it didn't know Surf and even then that's only to play a shitty "Surfing Pikachu" minigame. Pikachu can't be encountered in the wild and if you try to catch more than one through cheat or trading, the game fucks around thinking both are the Pikachu you started with, so you can't release or evolve either of them. Jessie and James appears in place of generic Rocket Grunts along with Ekans, Koffing and Meowth, because Yellow was following the anime at the time.

Your rival starts out with an Eevee instead of your Pokémon's weakness, which he evolves depending on how many times you win or lose against him. You can also obtain all three of the games' starters from random NPCs just after getting your third badge. Otherwise, Yellow is exactly the same as Red and Blue with improved artwork, but the backsprites still look as shit as ever.

Fun fact: In Red and Blue, there was a secret cheat you could get to catch a character called "MissingNo.", a glitch in the gameplay, allowing you to clone the sixth items in your inventory and encounter Pokémon with max power levels, depending on what you called your character. Doing this eventually fucks up your game save, but not until you divide by 0. If you use your Nintendo Game Boy connect cable to trade these glitch Pokémon with your best friend, it will appear as a regular Pokémon, but be deemed "abnormal".

Gold, Silver and Crystal

Quite literally exact copies of the original games, only it takes place 2 years after the events of Red, Blue and Yellow and the trio of games is listed under the "second generation". Like the original games, you're a 10 year old boy or girl located in another location called "Johto", with pretty much the same plot as the last generation, only now you get a radio which only plays one song on each station, you can set the in-game clock which turns the sun on and off like a light switch at certain times, people can phone you about how they failed to catch a Rattata or give you free shit, and the original games' map is now called "Kanto". Team Rocket makes a reappearance, still butthurt that a 10 ear old boy named Red, the main character from the last game, defeated Giovanni, a Master Criminal with an entire army of Pokémon and underlings at his disposal. So the faggot went into hiding to be An Hero for 2 years, thus they take over the Radio Tower to try and contact him. But are all buttfucked by Gold/Kris, the new main characters, and then run away. One of the main objectives of the game is to defeat the Elite Four, again, who are much weaker than they were "2 years ago". To us, that's "in the last games". But after doing so, you can re-visit Kanto and take on Kanto's gym leaders again. Your true main objective at this point is to find and defeat Red from the first game whose Pokémon are overpowered. Then a Winrar is you.

The second generation features rearranged cities, the infamous Misty skinny-dipping cut scene, and a bunch of new Pokémon such as Pikablu, Togepi, Hoothoot and moar PokéGods like Ho-oh and Suicune, racking the Pokémon count up to  251. These games also introduced the concept of Pokémon breeding and genders, which makes all of the Pokémon-on-Pokémon Rule 34 ever conceived technically canon, Day and Night, a feature which wouldn't be seen again until Generation IV, and a badarse rival who hated Team Rocket because his dad was defeated by a 10 year old boy.

Crystal introduced the concept of a Female character, Animated sprites, Suicune takes a liking to the player and has a bigger role in the game so follows him/her around and introduces a new character called Eusine who wants Suicune to suck his dick, and eventually tells the player to also catch Raikou and Entei so you can catch Ho-oh for some reason.

Fun fact: The Breeding Center on these games is on Route 34. Oh Japan~!

Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald

The next games in the series came out for the Game Boy Advance and took place in an entirely new location called "Hoenn". Once again the plot was exactly the same and with new Pokégods to unlock by learning Braille. There was only one clock in the entire game and that was in your character's and rival's room, but there was no Day and Night and you could only catch 200 Pokémon in the entire region and couldn't trade with earlier games, which caused butthurt rage among oldfags. The games introduced 135 new Pokémon, racking the Pokémon count up to 386. The only positive aspect of these games was the introduction of Mudkips, but unfortunately this is the same generation that also introduced Gardevoir.

Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald have the exact same plot as previous games, where you buttfuck Gym leaders for their badges to take on the Elite Four. Because the games are in a new location, it also naturally features new villains, Team Aqua and Team Magma, both who think global warming is a good thing and try to wake up one of two Poké-gods (who apparently helped shape the Earth and the Sea or some shit) to cover the entire world in either Landmass by drying up the world's water or covering it in an ocean by making it rain constantly. 

In Ruby, Team Magma wakes up Groudon who looks like a red Dinosaur, who turns against them and disappears and causes a drought. In Sapphire, Team Aqua wakes up Kyogre who looks like a whale cross-bred with a monkfish, who disappears and causes a rainstorm. Naturally, the 10-year old player is prompted to take on the ancient, angry and dangerous Pokémon themselves in a dark cave without any assistance whatsoever. In Emerald, both teams wake up both of them, Kyogre in the Underground Cavern and Groudon in a Volcano. As you'd expect, the beasts turn against whoever wakes them up and endangers all of Hoenn as we know it by fucking up the weather. Their "master" is a green flying serpant thing called Rayquaza, which flies around and doesn't do anything constructive until the player-character tells it to get a move on. In Ruby and Sapphire, Rayquaza has nothing to do with the main game, but is instead available after defeating the Elite Four.

The games introduced the concept of "abilities", which usually aided the Pokémon in battle. Using the HM move Dive let you dived underwater on certain water tiles without the need for resurfacing or any special equipment, Pokémon contests which could be easily won by finding out which moves give the best combinations and stuffing your Pokémon with the best Pokéblocks, which can be made by processing Berries which you've picked after you've grown them. Secret Bases, a useless feature in the game where you could teach a move called Secret Power to your Pokémon and use it to make a Secret Base. You can decorate it with useless shit (the idea was to share details with your friends and find their Secret Bases, then have a battle with the NPC in the base and it'll have their Pokémon that they had at the time) and finally, weather. Although mostly just rain and sandstorms.

Fun fact: Own the game for a year and the clock dies. When it dies, you can't grow Berries or receive any from NPCs. HOORAY FOR SHIT QUALITY!

FireRed and LeafGreen

Basically Pokémon Red and Blue comitting samefaggotry. These games are the same thing as the 90s originals, but with Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald graphics, some new islands full of Muslims and traded Pokémon which aren't in the original 151 can't evolve until you defeat the Elite Four. The Easter Egg truck is back aswell but you need Noclip to get there and all you get is a fucking Lava Cookie.

Diamond, Pearl and Platinum

These later sequels in the Pokémon franchise add connectability with teh internets, so you can trade your Mewtwo for a Magikrap from around the world!1!! You can also download Ash+Gary yaoi straight to your Nintendo DS. Just be sure to carry a strong anti-virus Pokémon in your party at all times, or you risk being pwnt by a wild virus Pokémon encountered on the tubes. 

They also feature Cynthia as the whiny emo bitch Pokémon League Champion, her existence the result of mass controversy and butthurt amongst Nintendo. She is an avid fan of trolling by using her favourite Pokemanz, Trollchomp, which can easily troll unsuspecting Empoleon by using Earthquake and Brick Break - LAWLZ IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!1

HeartGold and SoulSilver

Last Thursday, after many rumors were circulated on the tubes, Nintendo confirmed that there would indeed be remakes of the hit games Gold and Silver for the DS. The games have features such as letting any of your Pokémon follow you around, a wide variety of Generation II Pokémon, and pseudo-3D graphics. Basically, the new games are just a giant clusterfuck of fail produced from merging half of the old games together and adding useless features like the Pokeathlon, Pokewalker and the Spiky eared Pichu, but as soon as this piece of news was released on the internet, nostalgiafags everywhere creamed their pants. The only thing of relevance to come out of these games is the scene where the rival rapes you in Goldenrod City and leaves what's left of your semen-filled anus for Team Rocket.

Black and White

The latest Pokémonz game was released in the U.S. during the apocalypse. It is the first one with real 3-D graphics and the Pokémon professor, Professor Juniper is an older woman who will attempt to rape you once you complete the whole fucking Pokédex, which means that you have to catch all 649 Pokémon in order for her to accomplish this.

You travel across the Unova region, far away from the other Pokemon regions. This time, rather than playing as some snot-nosed 10-year old, you begin the game as either a bratty teenage bitch named Hilda or as an older version of Ash named Hilbert. When you pick your starter, you can choose a fire pig, Smugleaf, or a baby clown. However, you still go through the same shit as the other games, AGAIN. You now have two rivals, a ditzy blonde bimbo named Bianca and a poker-faced azn named Cheren. It is your responsibility to defeat Team Plasma, whose goal is to free all pokemon from the world. Some green haired faggot that claims to hear pokeyman's voices bugs the shit out of you throughout the game, who also claims to be the "King" of Team Plasma, revives Reshiram's/ Zekrom and readies their mighty dick of doom to brutally rape your puny asshole/vagina while stretching it out and widening it.

... oh, and some of the new gym leaders (Lenora, Drayden, and Iris) and one of the Elite Four Members, Marshall, are all a bunch of niggers. These niggers were added to the Pokemon games possibly because niggers bawwwed and complained to Nintendo that it was racist that there are no black people on the Internet. Plus, new Pokémon are introduced, like some dark type anthro-weasel-fox thing for sick fucks to pair with Lucario and Weavile in their twisted, horrendous sex art.

Black and White 2

Shortly after the release of Black and White, it was announced that Nintendo and Game Freak had run out of colors for use in the titles of their Pokémon games and rather than calling the games Pokémon Spic and Pokémon Filthy Korean Pig, would just be calling the next generation of games Pokémon Black and White 2.

Because nobody likes the new Pokémon, however, the game will feature three hundred of the old Pokémon, as well as the shitty new ones. Other than that, because Pokéfags are too dumb to know any better, the games will be pretty much exactly the same as the previous games in the series, but set two years later.

X and Y

Last Thursday, Nintendo unveiled the newest Pokémon games, Pokémon X and Pokémon Y which would apparently be set in France and allow you to play as either a blonde girl or as popular Internet video game reviewer and animator, Egoraptor. The starters are Chespin, a weird meerkat thing wearing a helmet that nobody wants, Fennekin, some furbait Vulpix rehash that will no doubt soon be starring in a fuckton of disgusting furry pr0n and Froakie, a frog wearing glasses stolen off of Morpheus from The Matrix. Two faggy legendaries and a new furry evolution for Eevee were also revealed, but nobody gives a fuck about them. 

One day later even MOAR POKEMANZ WERE REVEALED including a omfg a panda pokamawn finally, another bird (how shocking), a goat called Gogoat that's already become a funneh meme, and a ripoff of Mawile.

This new version will be available only on the Nintendo 3DS and will be the first to ditch the usual 2D graphics typical of the series, because Nintendo have suddenly realized that they've got an entire fucking warehouse full of unsold 3DSes that they need to desperately shift. This also caused a massive amount of butthurt among the manchildren on /vp/, because it meant that they'd have to cash in their government issued welfare checks to buy a new system to play the game on.

Other Bullshit Games

Never let it be said Pokémon games were entirely without variety. The franchise spawned a sizable menagerie of miscellaneous bullshit, mostly games with some generic engine and a Pokémon veneer with which to fag up your DS or N64. As a result, most of these are horrible and should never be played, EVAR.

  • Pokémon Snap - You're a Pokémon porn photographer, and the level of perversity just keeps increasing until you finally end up getting raped on the moon. There was no sequel, to the furfags' sorrow.

  • Pokémon Stadium - All gladiatorial battling, no other gameplay included. Useful for getting starters, extra Eevees, and Mew for your copy of Red/Blue, though, as it could hook up via the controller.

  • Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Red and Blue Rescue Team - The first of the Mystery Dungeon series involving all Pokémans up to Generation III and became a popular Jap genre, notable for its comparatively intricate storylines, gameplay as a Pokémon rather than as a human trainer, and its ability to have dungeons that are simultaneously never the same twice and repetitive as fuck. This game is held responsible for at least 12% of Pokémon-related suicides because everyone who completes the game always cries manly tears at the end. 

The other 88% of suicides stem from the music at Lavender Town in Red/Blue.

  • Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time, Darkness and Sky - The second of the Mystery Dungeon series involving nearly all Pokémans up to generation IV, and was a little less shit than the last Mystery Dungeon game, because there's more characters, they all have chatheads, there's more characters who all want to get you into bed and after you complet the main game there's still a fuckton to do, story-wise. But, the gameplay hasn't been expanded in the slightest and is essentially the exact same but with moar Pokémon, more traps to piss you off and it's still repetitive as fuck. True to the Pokémon games, the third game varies the plot slightly by adding UNLOCKABLE SIDE STORIES INVOLVING ALL THE OTHER POKÉMON IN THE GAME!!!!!"

  • Pokémon Ranger - A retarded showcase game for the DS's stylus/touchscreen hardware with Pokémon shit glommed onto it at the last minute. You capture Pokémon by drawing circles around them and then can only use them once before you have to let them go again. Truly an exercise in futility.

  • Pokémon Trading Card Game - Spinoff from the original Red Blue and Yellow games and is essentially the exact same, but with Pokémon cards. You can't explore anywhere, all the places you can visit look the same, and once you have Articuno you can buttfuck almost everyone on the game. Despite the game being absolute shit, it does teach you how to play the Card game properly, and it proves that simply owning a Charizard doesn't instantly mean you win.

==The Anime==
The Pokémon cartoon tells the story of hermaphrodite Ash Ketchum, whose hollow life is devoted entirely to Pokémon fanboyism. Therefore, he teams up with his best buddy and partner, the electrified rat Pikachu, and sets out to catch 'em all. Ash is soon accompanied by Misty O'IttyBittyTitties, former underage fetish model. He is also joined by Brock Statue Tory, all around horn dog and charter member of the Nurse Joy appreciation club. A running joke involves Brock cumming in his pants whenever he sees anything with breasts, which happens with amazing frequency considering his eyes are permanently closed. However, the reason behind Brock's weird-ass behavior is his homosexuality. This is the only explanation why he has never had a girlfriend, and why he loves to cook. As the rest of the gang are major gay-bashers, he hides this with his girl "obsession."  Ash is chased around the world by Team Rocket members Jessie, James, and their annoying retarded cat. They supply 95% of this show's lulz in the form of endless attempts to steal Pikachu so that their boss would appreciate them again, not that he did anyway. They are also the subject of many shipping wars among Pokéfans who are just too dumb to realize James is gay
 Misty later leaves the show after getting knocked up and is promptly replaced by May, a jailbait whore with breasts that more than make up for Misty's lack thereof. May brings along her brother Max, an incestuous little fuckface, who seems to know more about Pokémon than Ash. In order to boost ratings, Dawn is then introduced to the show, and considering that she's 10 years old, she is an even bigger whore than the other girls, (if possible), mainly due to her extremely short skirt. Having the smallest chest, she is clearly fanservice for pedophiles, amiriteSome argue the entire series is merely Ash's coma-induced dream, revealing such elements of his subconscious as his repressed sexual feelings and poor relationship with his father, which is most likely true if he runs away from home to serch for da weird tings known as Pokemans. These people need to find something better to do than psychoanalyzing bad anime.  

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